I don't like fear (Part 1)

Remember when I used to blog? Yeah, I barely can remember either. But I have a story to tell! Now that it's fixed, and a few days behind me, I can blog about my mishap over a week ago. 

A couple of weeks ago we moved into a new house. We moved less than a mile from our old place, so we are QUITE familiar with the area. We live in a safe and quiet area, but even still...it was a new place to us.

My husband travels a lot for his job. But we went two months with no work on the road for him. It was nice to have him home that long. Once he left again for road, I hit a bit of a rough patch while adjusting to a new home without him. Before we were married, I lived all alone for five years. So when we got married and he moved in, it was no big deal when he was gone. I was totally used to being home all alone. But in our new house, once I was all alone, I was thrown for a bit of a loop. We had talked about putting new locks on the door and reprogramming the key pad to get into the garage before my husband left. But we ran out of time to get that done before he had to fly out. I was a little nervous because we didn't know who had the code to the garage or any spare keys that could have been floating out there. But I tried to convince myself it was fine and I would get by. 

On a Thursday morning, I brought Husby to the airport before going to the office. I was the last one to leave the house. My car was parked in the garage and he was loading up his luggage. I had my hands full with my work laptop I had brought home (I really need to get a bag for that thing), and my lunch was sliding around on the laptop. I had forgotten my lunch bag at work the day before so I had to carry in individual containers of leftovers. That night, I got home from work. When I pulled into the garage, it was very noticeable that the door that went from the garage to the house was open about 7 or 8 inches. Right away my mind went to, "Did someone use the garage code (that we didn't even know) to get in and was in the house? What am I walking into on the first night of Chip being gone?" Then I thought, "I'm sure I didn't get the door closed all the way this morning and it just popped open." I walked through the house with phone in hand, checking every closet. The coast was clear! No one was in the house. But I was a little creeped out. So I locked the knob on the door that went from the house to the garage. Just to feel a little safer since it was my first night in the new house all alone.

Let's fast forward to the next morning. I was in the shower and could hear a rumbling sound, like a big truck idling outside. Shoot! It was garbage day! And normally I would think, "Who cares...I'll put the garbage out next week." But I had called the garbage company a few days previously to switch out the container we had at the new place for a different sized container. So I had to get the garbage out on the street because it had to get emptied before they switched it out. So, I hustled to get out of the shower, threw on some clothes, slipped on some shoes and ran out the garage door with no glasses on and a wet head. I got the garbage out to the street on time, walked back to the house, closed the garage door and turned the knob to go back in the house. Locked. Apparently, in our new house, the knob can be locked and still opened from the inside, staying locked as you close the door. And I had forgotten that I locked it the night before. PANIC. I freaked out. I started praying out loud right away, pacing around like a mad woman, crying and saying, "No, no, no, no," over and over again. I had no way in the house. The front door was locked with a deadbolt. The patio door was locked. The windows were locked. Everything was shut up tight, as I had barricaded myself in the night before. We had two keys, both on our sets of keys in the house. We had not made any spares for family yet, as we knew that we would be changing the locks. And besides, I had no phone on me. It was...in the house. The only thing I could think of was to go to the one neighbor I had met, hope she was home (or even UP), ask to use her phone, and call my sister (the only local family member whose phone number I have memorized). I would then have to ask my sister to come and get me, take me to her house, and call a locksmith. But all of this would take time. I couldn't see a thing as I ran out without my glasses. And how much would it cost? I was very much in a panic mode. Out of desperation I started banging on the door, even though I knew it would do me zero good. Then I just threw all my pregnant weight into the door with my shoulder, reared back and hit the door again. Surprisingly, it flew open, breaking wood, ripping the latch plate off, and causing sheet rock to explode in my face as I burst through. What a relief. I was back in the house. I had to sit down to calm myself down and assess my shoulder. I was fine. But I kind of destroyed the door jam. The knob would no longer latch, but luckily the door was heavy enough to stay shut. Today my father-in-law and brother-in-law came over to fix it and put on a new door knob that we bought for both the front door and the garage door last Friday night when Husby was back home. And we added a deadbolt to the garage door. My favorite thing about our new door knobs? When they are locked, the handle won't move, so you have to unlock it, even to get out. No more turning a knob, leaving the door locked, and shutting it behind me.

The damage I did to the door frame.

At least the trim was still intact. But the plate for the latch is somewhere on the floor.

The piece of door jam I broke off as the door flew open and the plate for the latch.

So, that's how I sabotaged myself. The whole thing was my fault from beginning to end. I was the one who didn't get the door shut all the way so it was open when I got home. I was the one who locked the knob from the inside. I was the one who forgot about the garbage pick up. I was the one who shut the locked door behind me. I was the one who rammed the door open with my shoulder. I don't like fear. It causes too must stress.

Soon I'll post part two of my run in with fear last week. The way I dealt with fear the second time was a different approach.