I am an old mom. I got a late start in life when it came to my own family, as that was God's plan for me. I didn't put kids "on hold" for the sake of a career. That's just how it worked out for me. I know there are many women who have children toward the end of their child-bearing years, so I'm certainly not the exception. But I am in the minority. Although, it sounds like maybe it's a growing minority. I saw a news story a couple weeks ago about having babies at 50. And according to the interwebs, one in five women in the US are having their first child at age 35 or older.
Did you know that any woman over 35 is considered a "geriatric pregnancy?" Worst. Medical. Term. Ever. I guess it's more common to hear "advanced maternal age," but I personally heard geriatric pregnancy in my experience. I can't help but think of some old granny with a white bun on top of her head while she has a bun in the oven. For some reason, I picture the old lady from Looney Tunes. Um, so not me. Or any woman who is expecting, no matter her age.
A lot of my friends that are my same age got married in their mid twenties and were having babies while they were in their late twenties or early thirties. I have friends my same age that have children getting their driver's license. I have friends my same age that have children graduating from high school. I have friends my same age who already have kids in college. And here's the real kicker - I have friends my same age that are becoming grandparents. Grandparents! I am a whole generation behind some of my friends. Or they are a generation ahead of me - however you want to look at it.
Being a first time mom at 39, I sometimes wonder about my daughter's future school friends and their parents. More than likely, my husband and I will be two of the oldest parents of the kids in the class of 2032; although, maybe not, since more women are having kids after 35. My daughter will graduate 40 years after I did. My husband and I are both pretty "young at heart" so I have no doubt we won't have any trouble making friends with our kids' friends' parents. It's just strange to think about it - the MOTHER of my daughter's future best friend could've been born when I was in high school.
My grandma was a young mother. She was 20 when she gave birth to my mom. My mom was a young mother. She was 22 when she gave birth to me. I am the oldest grandchild, so that means that my grandma was 42 when I was born, making her a grandma. Guess how old I was when I had my second child - 42. The same age my grandma was when I was born! It's kind of crazy to think about.
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| This is my grandma and me. She is 42, I am 7 days old. |
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| This is my son and me. I am 42, he is five days old. |
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| This is my grandma and my son. She is 84, double the age when I was born. I may have been her first grandchild, but he is not her first great-grandchild. He's number 23, I believe. |
The other day I was changing my daughter's diaper and a thought occurred to me. It is very well possible, and most likely, that our son will be about three-years-old or so when he is potty trained. This means I will be changing my son's diapers when I'm 45. Changing diapers at 45 is something some of my friends my age can't even imagine - their kids will be teenagers or out of the house when we hit 45. Several will probably be changing diapers, but it will be their grand kids. Not their own babies.
I'll be honest - being a mom of babies in your forties is hard. I'm tired and often wish I had the energy I had 10 of 15 years ago. There's a reason most people have babies in their twenties and thirties. You're up in the night a lot, you're on the floor a lot, you're lugging around babies in bucket car seats, you're lifting kids into high chairs, car seats, and cribs. It can be exhausting, physically. But it can be empowering too. There are times I honestly think, "A lesser woman couldn't do it. But I can! Thank you God for giving me health to do this. Even if my back is sore. And my knee hurts. And I just want to sleep for more than three hours at a time." You just do what you have to do! Those babies don't care how old you are. All they know is that they need their mama to take care of them.
I have a friend who has a few kids and her youngest is about nine-years-old. When she found out I was having my second child at 42, she said, "I can't imagine." I'm sure there are plenty of people who have thought, "Glad it isn't me. I'm glad I had my kids when I was young." But you know what, I am glad it's me. If I were in charge of my life, I would've been married 10 years earlier and started my family before I was 30. But I'm not in charge. God is. I told Him a long time ago (in high school) that I desired what He had planned for me and He was driving - I'm just along for the ride. Why did I have to wait to become a wife and a mom? I'll never know on this side of heaven. But I'm so happy that it was God's plan for me to become a wife and a mom. The fulfillment of my heart's desires was never a guarantee. It's not a guarantee for anyone. So I'm just so glad that even though I'm an old mom, I am a mom. Even if it doesn't "look" like I thought it would look when I was in my twenties. If you would have told me at twenty-two, "Well, you have to wait fourteen more years before you meet the man you'll marry, and fifteen years from now you'll be the bride, then about the time your friends are entering the teenage years of parenting you will just be getting started. Oh, and when you send your first kid to kindergarten, the majority of your friends will have a kid in college," I would have said, "Shut. Up. That cannot be for real."
If you are at a place in life where you thought, in your younger years, would "look" different than it does, please take heart. When you have an expectation of how you think things should be, it can lead to disappointment. Be patient, be grateful, be willing to obey God's leading. There have been times in my life when I have questioned God's plan for me and so I have repeated, out loud, over and over, "I trust You. I trust You. I trust You." Sometimes that's all the prayer you need to say.
