I Love You, Auntie LaVerne

Today it was cloudy all day and rained on and off most of the day. At times there was a mix of snow, which is not uncommon March weather in Western Wisconsin. Shortly after my family finished dinner and all sat together in the living room to watch TV, the sun poked out from behind the clouds. And as the sun dipped down, the clouds gave way to a fantastic purple and pink sky. My husband and son even got up, went to the kitchen window, and admired the beauty together. I wish I would've taken a picture of what was out my window. Because it was the last day my great aunt, LaVerne, was on Earth and the beautiful sunset was a wonderful representation of how she was as a person - vivid, bright, and pretty.

Tuesday night my great aunt had a massive stroke. When my mom told me the next day, I, of course, thought of my grandma right away. You see, Auntie LaVerne isn't just my grandma's sister, she's my grandma's fraternal twin sister. And even more than that, they aren't just twin sisters. My grandma married my grandpa, and LaVerne married my grandpa's brother, Ed. The two couples had a double wedding in 1950 when the girls were just 18-years-old. This July would've been Ed and LaVerne's 70th (!) wedding anniversary.

My great-grandparents and their 8 children. My grandma is on the far left, in the back row.
Auntie LaVerne is second from the right, in the back row.

I would guess that most people would say that they don't know their great aunts and uncles very well. But I have spent a lot of time with my mom's extended family and I probably know most of my mom's cousins better than some people know their own first cousins. My entire life there have been family picnics, birthday parties, family reunions, and lots of time together. I remember as a little girl going to Auntie LaVerne's house for big family gatherings. They lived in a northern suburb of the Twin Cities. There was always lots of laughter, lots of food, and lots of people. Once when we were there, a hot air balloon landed in a field right behind their house and we all went running out to watch it land. 

Auntie LaVerne had a piano in her house and she loved to play. Many times she would play and the singing would start. 

Every single time I saw Auntie LaVerne she always, always, always, had a smile on her face. To be with her family made her so happy. She was such a joyful woman. And every time I saw her, her arms would open wide and she would envelop me in a big hug. She just radiated happiness and that is what I will remember most about her. I think it was due to her joy for Jesus. She was a woman who chased after God and her faith was not only important to her but evident to those around her. 

When I was a little girl, the whole extended family...my mom's aunts, uncles, and cousins on her dad's side...would get together for a birthday party for me and my second cousin, Greta. We are just a few days apart in age. Auntie LaVerne was always there. And if you're thinking, "Wait a minute. I thought it was her grandma's twin sister," remember, Auntie LaVerne married my grandpa's brother. So no matter if we were at a family event for my mom's dad's side or my mom's mom's side, Auntie LaVerne and Uncle Ed were ALWAYS there. 

Two brothers married twin sisters. This photo was taken at my sister's wedding in 2013.

She was there for every major event of my life. My high school graduation celebration, my college graduation celebration, my family wedding shower, my wedding, and my family baby shower for my first child. She was so much more than just a great-aunt who I kinda sorta knew a little bit. When you spend that much time together, you bond. You have good conversations. You laugh together. Oh boy, did we laugh together.

Auntie LaVerne and Uncle Ed at our wedding in 2011.

I will miss her so much. And my heart is so sad for Uncle Ed, their kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. And my heart hurts for Grandma. Her precious twin sister is gone. Part of her identity. Part of a strong bond. Part of her heart. And she couldn't see her one last time because of the Covid-19 "shelter in place" order. That makes me sad too. I know if she could have, Grandma would have been at that hospital, by her twin's side. The sisters spoke on the phone 11 days ago...on their 88th birthday.

My grandma (left) and Auntie LaVerne (right) at their 80th birthday party in 2012. We had many family birthday parties over the years for these two sisters.

Auntie LaVerne had her stroke Tuesday night. She hung on for several days, in and out of consciousness. We were all just waiting for her to slip away to Jesus. Tonight, at around 7pm, five days after her stroke, one of her daughters at the hospital called Grandma and had her talk to her dying sister. As though she was waiting to hear her twin's voice one last time in 88 years, Auntie LaVerne finally let go and died an hour later. 

I imagine her now in heaven, with a bigger smile than I ever saw (if that's possible) and giving hugs to so many loved ones who were there waiting for her. Her parents, several siblings, two sons, two great-grandsons, and more souls who were blessed enough to be a part of Auntie LaVerne's life. She sure made her one life counted. She loved big. She loved her Savior. She loved her husband, Ed. She loved her family and so many friends. 

My grandma and Auntie LaVerne, cozy in an over-sized chair at a baby shower for my first child.

Two different times this week, as I mourned the fact that we were losing Auntie LaVerne, God reminded me of his faithfulness. The first time was on Friday morning when I was reading my Bible and devotional. I read a quick devotional from Our Daily Bread most mornings. Friday morning the title was "Precious Departure" and it said this: "The idea that death is precious might seem counterintuitive; however, the psalmist declares, 'Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants' (Psalm 116:15). God treasures the death of His people, for in their passing He welcomes them home." How wonderful that Auntie LaVerne was not only treasured here in our world by so many who loved her, but also by her Savior.

The second time God used His Word to remind me of his goodness and faithfulness, even in death, was the family devotion we read just two days ago. Each day we try to carve out time to read "The One Year Devotions for Preschoolers" with our two kids. Yesterday the title was "Life Goes On" and it was just a few short sentences about we are sad when people die because we can't see them anymore. But Jesus tells people to believe in Him and then they will live forever with Him in heaven.

I will miss you, Auntie. I look forward to seeing you again someday. I'm looking forward to that next hug from you. Thank you for your testimony of being a woman of God. Thank you for all you meant to me. I love you, Auntie LaVerne.

Seven Resources to Up Your Christian Mom Game

If you were to ask me what makes for a perfect mom, I would say to you (in my best Dwight Schrute imitation), “Trick question. There’s no such thing as a perfect mom.” Because there isn’t. I dare you to find one perfect mom. She cannot be found.

Every Instagramming mom whose feed is full of her elaborate birthday parties/made-from-scratch-organic meals/adorable wardrobe pieces, every blogger with ALL the parenting advice, every woman you sit next to at church, every mom crushing it in the boardroom, every homeschooling-stay-at-home-mom…they ALL make mistakes. Moms yell, forget stuff that’s important, unjustly punish their kids, fear that they’re messing up this parenting gig, have guilt about something they feel they're lacking in, argue with their kids, and the list goes on.

Because there are no perfect moms, we all need a little extra help at times as we navigate this giant responsibility of raising humans. This is a list of seven books and podcasts that have helped me, given me good things to ponder, pointed me in a better direction than I was headed, and have been aids in upping my game as a Christian Mom.

1. Gist: The Essence of Raising Life-Ready Kids by Michael W. Anderson, LP & Timothy D. Johanson, MD

This book is really for any mom or dad. And it isn’t faith-based at all. But I heard about this book on a Christian podcast and was very intrigued by the interview of the two authors. This book was written by a Licensed Psychologist and a Pediatrician. It covers foundational principles of life, such as love must evolve, learning & anti-learning, and the difference between fun & joy (all of these are chapter titles). It also talks about core development children need, such as self-esteem, telling the truth, and not being over-parented. If you would have asked me before I read this book if I were over-parenting, I would have said no. But the bar Anderson and Johanson set for over-parenting is not nearly as high as I had it. I am over-parenting. One of their biggest points is “words don’t equal parenting.” Meaning oftentimes parents talk too much at their kids, instead of making their point and letting it be.

At times the book is a bit dry as it gets a little bit into clinical topics. And I was hoping it was bit more set up as, “This is the issue your child has? Well, this is how you can address it.” But it was more of a “warning” book, giving examples of ways kids are raised that does not get them life-ready, without many “solutions.” However, there were a few nuggets of wisdom I gleaned and now have in my bag of parenting tricks if I need them.

https://www.amazon.com

2. Finding Your Purpose as a Mom: How to Build Your Home on Holy Ground by Donna Otto with Anne Christian Buchanan

I think I heard this author being interviewed on a podcast as well and promptly ordered her book. This book covers ways to make your home a holy ground, no matter your age or stage of life. Donna examines ways to make your home a place of love and peace, a place of growth, and a place of service. There are questions to reflect on at the end of each chapter and she gives some practical, Biblical advice to make your home a ministry to others – both those who live in it and those who visit it. There is a page in this book where Donna wrote out what could be a creed, or roadmap to making a Christ-centered home. I tweaked her words a bit to make it personal, wrote it on a piece of cardstock, and stuck it somewhere I have seen it every day for the past three years. It’s a good reminder of what I’m aiming for when building our home on holy ground.

https://www.amazon.com

3. The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ’s Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children by Sally Clarkson

This book really challenged me in both my role as a parent and how I need to step up my perseverance in my relationship with Jesus. This book encouraged me to make my faith a higher priority, without guilting me into feeling that way. This book covers the many gifts a mother can give to her children. Sections are broken out into the gift of grace, the gift of inspiration, the gift of faith, the gift of training, and the gift of service. This book was easy to read with short chapters I could consume in small or big chunks. Sally has a way of retelling stories from the scripture, showing us how Jesus gave those he lived with (his disciples) the gifts discussed in the book as well as reaching their hearts. He was the ultimate example of ministering to those closest to him.

https://www.amazon.com

4. Treasuring Christ When Your Hands are Full: Gospel Meditations for Busy Moms by Gloria Furman

This book examines how moms who are overwhelmed with all sorts of parenting aspects need to lean on Christ. It gives advice regarding treasuring Christ with gospel-centered wisdom, without being a “how-to” book. The book on viewing motherhood as worship is a quick read.

https://www.amazon.com

5. Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses by Amber Lia & Wendy Speake

This has been the most helpful book I’ve ever read on Christian parenting. I yell at my young children WAY more than I want to. I do not like being the yelling mom and the guilt over it can be crushing to my spirit. And it’s not God-honoring behavior. Once again, this was a book I heard about when the authors were interviewed on a podcast. The first half of the book examines external triggers, or behaviors our children exhibit that can cause our anger to be triggered. Chapters cover behaviors like disobedience, backtalk, lying, sibling rivalry, video game addiction, and ignoring instruction. The second half of the book looks at internal triggers, or areas where we can personally struggle which can trigger anger. Chapters cover areas like running late, going it all alone, messy homes, stress, feelings of guilt, and challenging relationships with in-laws. There are helpful scripture passages throughout the chapters, to remind readers what God says about these topics. There is also a prayer at the end of each chapter, and I have dog-eared a few of those prayer pages so I can go back to them again and again. This book sits on my nightstand so I can pick it up and read a quick chapter when I’m struggling with anger. The chapters are short and there are 31 of them so you can read it in a month if you read one each day.

https://www.amazon.com

6. Focus on the Family Podcast

So what is this podcast I’ve been referring to, the one where I’ve heard so many authors interviewed? It’s the podcast from the Christian Ministry, Focus on the Family. Years ago, before I even had a family, I used to listen to their broadcasts on a local Christian music radio station during my commute. When the station dropped the broadcasts, I went years without listening. Then I discovered a few years ago they have a podcast. Not every episode is about parenting. Some are about marriage, cultural issues, or testimonies of incredible Christ-followers. But many episodes cover parenting topics. Recent episodes have included: How to Raise Strong Believers, Rising to the Challenge of Parenting, Homemade Meals for Busy Families, Trusting God With Your Adult Children, and Raising Boys to be Godly Young Men. All episodes are about 30 minutes and some topics have two episodes. Many an episode has brought me to tears as I stood at my kitchen sink, washing dishes. It is my favorite podcast to listen to because it is so helpful and inspirational. If you don't listen to podcasts, you can access their broadcasts directly from their website.

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/

7. The Working Christian Mom Podcast with NJ Rongner

This is a helpful and at times entertaining podcast. The host is NJ Rongner, a Christian mom who used to be a work-from-home mom, working as an entrepreneur. In 2019 she began working full-time outside of the home. So this podcast is for any working mom, whether she’s working for herself or for an employer. Pretty much on every episode, she interviews another working Christian mom. Some of the topics she has covered with this podcast include: Making Time for Mom Friends, Parenting Beyond the Rules, An Honest Conversation About Loss, Handling Professional Disappointments, and Trusting Jesus to Heal Our Complicated Motherhood Stories.

http://www.workingchristianmom.com/

There are so many great resources out there to help us raise our children as we seek to glorify God. We all have shortcomings and it’s nice when you find a book that “gets you” and offers you some ideas as you lean on Christ for wisdom and guidance.

Books on my “to read” list for the upcoming year include Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman, The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell, The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian, I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child’s Tongue by Ginger Hubbard, Mama Bear Apologetics: Empowering Your Kids to Challenge Cultural Lies by Hillary Morgan Ferrer & Nancy Pearcey. And I want to reread Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, which I read for the first time this past year.